I started walking.
Long and fast strides at first then I slowed to a slow walk. The woods folded in around me as I left the parking lot and the trail mouth behind. It was silent. The natural silence you find in the woods and forests and wild places. however, I was not so silent. I cringed and took my chain of keys off my belt and put them in my pocket so they didn't clang together so fiercely. The noise of the keys were frighteningly loud and harsh in the woods as I walked. I felt afraid that if I wasn't quiet enough thus disturbed the woods peaceful reflections I would not be welcome to walk down her winding paths and enjoy the sweet smells of spring she sent to my eager nose from every direction.
Now I know the wood isn't a person or a being but it IS a presence. It may not speak but it is a community of a million living things that form its body. Like my own and your own bodies. I felt like a virus though. A parasite.
I walked a little ways more then stopped. I was still too loud! My foot prints, breathing, even my own thoughts were too loud, almost thunderous. I bent down and took off my shoes and socks. I put the socks in the shoes and the shoes in my hand then kept walking.
That was better. I finally belonged. I sounded natural now, softer, and relaxed. I smiled to myself. The pain from the day still hung over me like the hawk that hovered over head in the sky. Still and frozen in place for a moment then suddenly diving and turning to catch some prey, that didn't see him coming, while simultaneously catching the eye of a person who hadn't seen him either.
I walked for a little in silence. Going wherever the trail took me. Winding first left trough some pines, then to the right through a small field dotted with blossoming apple trees, then left again through hardwoods but always slightly up. When the trail ended I was standing on a bolder looking out at a beautiful view of Lake Champlain through a gap in some trees. The sun was getting low, cause it was late in the afternoon The way it glittered on the water made it seem as if the lake water had been embossed with gold. A beautiful sight. A vulture flew out over the lake shore at eye level with me but didn't bother giving me a look.
I looked at the trees and wondered if they noticed me... then I dismissed that thought. I was as fleeting to a tree as one flash a firefly makes is to us. In the lifetime of one tree hundreds of people are born, married, divorced, buried, and forgotten so why would this tree notice one little me.
As I started back down the gently descending trail I was sad to think of my visit to this forest over. I was free here. Free from distraction, anger, frustration, pain, and guilt. Who would ever want to leave THIS and go back to all... THAT. I wanted to run deep into the woods and get lost there and become a tree, forgetting my cares and worries. Only bathing in sunlight, sheltering little forest critters, and growing. Always growing. Maybe I couldn't become a tree but I could run. "Run! Run! Run!" I told my feet. And they obeyed. The faster I ran the more of "me" I left free floating in the breeze behind me. Like the scattering ashes of a burning note from a once loved sweetheart.
My heart surged with this new found freedom. I pushed through the air faster until the thudding of my bare feet and the beating of my heart was just a hum in my ears. I ran harder until piece by piece my body was left behind and I was just a blur of energy racing to an uncharted place of peace and bliss. The only thing holding me to Earth were my feet. I tried so hard to lose them, to also leave them behind but they held me down like anchors but propelled me like a motor. It's lucky I didn't lose my feet because I might have simply floated away to who knows where. My body evaporated and just my soul left to wonder. I quite fancy that's how ghosts are formed. People who have shaken off their bodies and let their spirits float and wonder.
I was in this state for what seemed like days but was, in the confinements of human time, only 10 minutes. Somehow my body caught up to me and slowed me down and it was over. However the peacefulness still lingered like a smile after a good long laugh.
I gently shut the door of my 2000 Honda Civic and smiled. It was bittersweet to be leaving my newest home. It was my medicine and my greatest (almost) escape.
