These are some notes from when I visited Church of the Rock last Sunday. Don't forget to take time to look up the verses for yourself. Ask questions and wonder and search. The more questions you ask God the more answers you'll get.
Ephesians 4:1-6
1: (see also Col. 1:10) As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2:Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3: (see also Col. 3:14) Make ever effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4:There is one body and one Spirit- just as you are called to one hope when you were called- 5:one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6: (see also Ro. 11:36) one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
Ephesians 4:1
What does this verse say to us?
You, as a Christian, belong to God. You are His property. You need to live a life that is a good representation of the God you serve and call Father. God has set all of us on a long and hard race. We are ALL on this race together! Are you making it easier for yourself by following Gods lead and helping each other? Or are you getting lost because you're leaving the path and getting in others way?
This isn't about us! This calling, this race, is bigger then any and all of us! Stop acting like you're the most important runner in the race.
Ephesians 4:2
What does this verse mean?
It's simple. Help each other through life. Life is like a race and there are manners involved in races. Be humble: Dont get in peoples way and slow them down. And don't think you've got it all together and like you're above everyone else. A tiny stone can trip even the biggest of us and the bigger your head the more top heavy you are and, therefore, the more likely you are to fall.
Be gentle: Dont be rude. Be kind to everyone! Especially the ones who are struggling.
Be patient: There are gonna be hard parts of the race and easy parts. When it gets hard remember God is running next to you and He is cheering you on. Dont give up. It WILL get better. It may not get better right away or for a very long time or until you get to the end but it will get better.
Ephesians 4:3
This is even simpler. STAY TOGETHER! God put us all in the same race so that we could learn from each other, help each other, and encourage each other. Think of others before you do something stupid that is gonna slow everyone down.
Ephesians 4:4-5
There is only one important race, one leader, and we are all in the race working together to get to the end. Are you doing your part in running the race or are you letting other drag you along and slowing them down?
Ephesians 4:6
God is the leader of the race so He leads us in the way we should go. But if you fall behind and ask for help He's never to far away to come and save you. He loves all of us more then we could imagine!
Hebrews 12:1-2
1. (see also Co. 9:24) Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2. (see also Php. 2:8-9) Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the auther and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him enduring the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Living the life of a Christian is hard. But it has great benifits! Just like being in the Army. It can be hard, it hurts sometimes, but it only makes you better and the benifits out weight the pain 10 to 1. Like in the Army you stay together and you help each other and you get through it! Every step you take is over and done with and you are one step closer to the end.
Certain things can hold you down and slow you down and trip you up. When you're running you usually wear light clothes and take as little as possible with you. So why would you try to take all your sin and bagage with you? It'll just slow you down until you either give up or come in last place. All it causes is pain, just let go and leave it on the side of the road so others dont trip on your bagage.
Also, keep your eyes on the prize. Everything you struggle through really is worth it in the end!
Look around, who are you running with?
Are you running with people that encourage you, teach you, and enjoy running the race? Or are you running with people that drag you down and discourage you?
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Gods Will
These are my notes from church, I thought a few people could benefit from them.
1 Peter 4:12-19:
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. For it is time for judgment to begin with God's household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And,
"If it is hard for the righteous to be saved,
what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?" So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good. (1 Peter 4:12-19 NIV)
Sometimes our problems is Gods will for us.
Most of the time God uses hard times to refocus us.
Deuteronomy 8:2
Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. (Deuteronomy 8:2 NIV)
God gave the Israelites chance after chance to show their faith for God and they failed so He sent them through another trail until they got it right.
The hotter the fire the purer the gold will be. The harder our trials the better we'll be when it's over.
Psalms 199:71
It was good for me to be afflicted
so that I might learn your decrees. (Psalm 119:71 NIV)
Trials can be stepping stones or stumbling blocks, you choose.
*Hebrews 12:6-8
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son." Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. (Hebrews 12:6-8 NIV)
God corrects us because He loves us. If He didn't correct us it would me He didn't love us...
Genius 50:20
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. (Genesis 50:20 NIV)
People mean to harm us but God means to protect us. No one can harm us because God has His hands wrapped around us. If we stay inside the protected arms of God we are safe because the world can't get past God. They can yell at us but never get to us.
James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4 NIV)
God does everything to teach us.
God teaches us in two ways. Through the word and through problems. The more time we spend in the word the less time God needs to teach us through problems.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10
or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NIV)
What do we do when we have a problem?
1 Peter 4:12-19:
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. For it is time for judgment to begin with God's household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And,
"If it is hard for the righteous to be saved,
what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?" So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good. (1 Peter 4:12-19 NIV)
Sometimes our problems is Gods will for us.
Most of the time God uses hard times to refocus us.
Deuteronomy 8:2
Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. (Deuteronomy 8:2 NIV)
God gave the Israelites chance after chance to show their faith for God and they failed so He sent them through another trail until they got it right.
The hotter the fire the purer the gold will be. The harder our trials the better we'll be when it's over.
Psalms 199:71
It was good for me to be afflicted
so that I might learn your decrees. (Psalm 119:71 NIV)
Trials can be stepping stones or stumbling blocks, you choose.
*Hebrews 12:6-8
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son." Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. (Hebrews 12:6-8 NIV)
God corrects us because He loves us. If He didn't correct us it would me He didn't love us...
Genius 50:20
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. (Genesis 50:20 NIV)
People mean to harm us but God means to protect us. No one can harm us because God has His hands wrapped around us. If we stay inside the protected arms of God we are safe because the world can't get past God. They can yell at us but never get to us.
James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4 NIV)
God does everything to teach us.
God teaches us in two ways. Through the word and through problems. The more time we spend in the word the less time God needs to teach us through problems.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10
or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NIV)
What do we do when we have a problem?
Monday, May 14, 2012
Lessons Learned From Hunting
As a lifelong avid hunter I have learned quite a lot about the sport in my time. I hadn't noticed it until I was turkey hunting with my dad yesterday.
We had just gone back out after having lunch. It had been raining all morning but had finally stopped. We rounded and bend in this dirt road leading from a farmyard into a field and as we stood at the edge of this field we spotted a group of turkeys in the far back, lower side of the field. And one lone turkey up high in the field. Dad's plan was to sneak, just inside the wood line, up around the field and end up above the turkeys. It was a good plan but when we got up higher, instead of waiting and calling the turkeys to him, dad decides to sneak up on the turkeys and get as close as possible. Now I'm discussed with him cause he's being over zealous. The most important thing to know when you're hunting is how to shoot your gun or bow and the second most important thing is to let the deer, turkey, fish, moose, whatever come to you. You set up and wait in a good spot but in the end they gotta come to you!
My dad wouldn't listen to me and kept right on going and what do you think happened? We got busted! Four beautiful turkeys took off. And all because someone hadn't learned patience.
"Good things come to those who wait." Now for a hunter it should say: "Good game comes to those who wait in one stop."
Patience can absolutely make you or break you as a hunter. And as a parent, a spouse, a friend, an employee, and a child of God. God is not gonna give you something if you're not willing to wait for it.
We had just gone back out after having lunch. It had been raining all morning but had finally stopped. We rounded and bend in this dirt road leading from a farmyard into a field and as we stood at the edge of this field we spotted a group of turkeys in the far back, lower side of the field. And one lone turkey up high in the field. Dad's plan was to sneak, just inside the wood line, up around the field and end up above the turkeys. It was a good plan but when we got up higher, instead of waiting and calling the turkeys to him, dad decides to sneak up on the turkeys and get as close as possible. Now I'm discussed with him cause he's being over zealous. The most important thing to know when you're hunting is how to shoot your gun or bow and the second most important thing is to let the deer, turkey, fish, moose, whatever come to you. You set up and wait in a good spot but in the end they gotta come to you!
My dad wouldn't listen to me and kept right on going and what do you think happened? We got busted! Four beautiful turkeys took off. And all because someone hadn't learned patience.
"Good things come to those who wait." Now for a hunter it should say: "Good game comes to those who wait in one stop."
Patience can absolutely make you or break you as a hunter. And as a parent, a spouse, a friend, an employee, and a child of God. God is not gonna give you something if you're not willing to wait for it.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Did I miss it?
So it's prom time again down here in PA. I just realized it and I realized I was here last year at this time with my (now ex) boyfriend. It was my first and only prom and it was with the person I thought I was gonna marry someday. It's cute to look back on your past loves and remember everything you shared with them. Even though I was only 17 I still felt like he was The One.
(People don't understand that even though we maybe young when we fall in love every feeling we have is real. Don't put down love because it happens to us when we're young. That annoys me.)
But when me and The One broke up it looked like the world opened up to me and I was full of the excitement of being single again. Now at prom time it feels like the world has fallen in on top of me.
My parents (with my best interest in mind, I guess) have informed me I'm not allowed to date and to me that was a death sentence. I struggle to keep all my feelings in check and under control. And I wonder... Did I make a mistake? Would I be this lonely if I had stayed with any of my past boyfriends. I was in love and I'm not allowed to fall in love now. Did I miss my chance at happiness? Did I lose something worth fighting for?
My boyfriends have new girlfriends and I'm happy to inform you all that they are in love and happy again! :) that's all I ever wanted for them. But where did I fall off the wagon? Why can't I be happy?
Yes, I know God is there for me. And I find peace in His love. Love no one on earth could ever provide for me! But God doesn't give hugs and kisses and give you flowers and have tickle fights with you. Why do I feel like I'm missing something when I have God? Because God made me to want to drown someone in love and get that love in return. I'm in love with my Father, my God; my King. But I want to be in love with a boy. Is that so wrong?
(People don't understand that even though we maybe young when we fall in love every feeling we have is real. Don't put down love because it happens to us when we're young. That annoys me.)
But when me and The One broke up it looked like the world opened up to me and I was full of the excitement of being single again. Now at prom time it feels like the world has fallen in on top of me.
My parents (with my best interest in mind, I guess) have informed me I'm not allowed to date and to me that was a death sentence. I struggle to keep all my feelings in check and under control. And I wonder... Did I make a mistake? Would I be this lonely if I had stayed with any of my past boyfriends. I was in love and I'm not allowed to fall in love now. Did I miss my chance at happiness? Did I lose something worth fighting for?
My boyfriends have new girlfriends and I'm happy to inform you all that they are in love and happy again! :) that's all I ever wanted for them. But where did I fall off the wagon? Why can't I be happy?
Yes, I know God is there for me. And I find peace in His love. Love no one on earth could ever provide for me! But God doesn't give hugs and kisses and give you flowers and have tickle fights with you. Why do I feel like I'm missing something when I have God? Because God made me to want to drown someone in love and get that love in return. I'm in love with my Father, my God; my King. But I want to be in love with a boy. Is that so wrong?
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Glass Prison
I look out a dirty window,
And see a lonely place,
Then the window becomes a mirror,
And I see my ugly face.
I close my eyes trying to forget,
But all the memories remain,
And what haunts me are regrets,
And then I open my eyes again.
All these ghosts in my waking dreams,
All of them scary and crying,
Screaming at me to set them free,
But how can I free them if I'm dying?
I take my hands and press on the glass,
Like I hoped it would yield so that I may pass.
It stood there firm, cold, and grey,
I hoped I would not stay here another day,
So I beat and I pounded,
On this glass that blocked my way.
I beat harder and hard,
But it never cracked,
My fists started bleeding,
But what concern was that.
I had to get out,
I had to get away,
But I fainted,
I gave up and prayed.
Then like a flash,
God was there,
He picked me up,
And He stroked my hair.
He said, “Child,
All you ever had to do was call,
If you'd held onto me,
You wouldn’t fall.”
He gathered me up in His arms,
And He broke through the glass,
Air, fresh and pure,
Brushed my face at last.
And now I know I will never stray,
But in God’s arms I will always stay.
And see a lonely place,
Then the window becomes a mirror,
And I see my ugly face.
I close my eyes trying to forget,
But all the memories remain,
And what haunts me are regrets,
And then I open my eyes again.
All these ghosts in my waking dreams,
All of them scary and crying,
Screaming at me to set them free,
But how can I free them if I'm dying?
I am trapped like they are,
Trapped in this dark misery,I take my hands and press on the glass,
Like I hoped it would yield so that I may pass.
It stood there firm, cold, and grey,
I hoped I would not stay here another day,
So I beat and I pounded,
On this glass that blocked my way.
I beat harder and hard,
But it never cracked,
My fists started bleeding,
But what concern was that.
I had to get out,
I had to get away,
But I fainted,
I gave up and prayed.
Then like a flash,
God was there,
He picked me up,
And He stroked my hair.
He said, “Child,
All you ever had to do was call,
If you'd held onto me,
You wouldn’t fall.”
He gathered me up in His arms,
And He broke through the glass,
Air, fresh and pure,
Brushed my face at last.
And now I know I will never stray,
But in God’s arms I will always stay.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
"Again"
God, I’m here again,
And much to my surprise,
I’m beaten, broken, and compromised,
I’ve fallen again,
This feels like the end,
Then you reach down,
And take my hand again.
Lord, you show me,
One step at a time,
That by your strength alone,
And not by mine,
I can change the world,
One heart at a time,
But first of all,
I’ll change mine, I’ll change mine.
I was blinded by sin,
I was losing all ground,
It was an up hill battle,
And my defenses fell down,
I was all alone,
Not a soul in sight,
Then you came in,
And fought my fight again.
Lord, you show me,
One step at a time,
That by your strength alone,
And not by mine,
I can change the world,
One heart at a time,
But first of all,
I’ll change mine, I’ll change mine.
Lord, change me!
Into something more,
Then a mixed up soul,
In this crazy world,
Lord, shape me!
Into something more,
Then a piece of clay,
Lying on the floor.
Because you show me,
That when I turn to you,
You’ll fight my battles,
And love me too.
Lord, you change me,
One step at a time,
And by your strength alone,
And not by mine,
I will change the world,
One heart at a time,
But first of all,
I need to change mine,
I will change mine.
And much to my surprise,
I’m beaten, broken, and compromised,
I’ve fallen again,
This feels like the end,
Then you reach down,
And take my hand again.
Lord, you show me,
One step at a time,
That by your strength alone,
And not by mine,
I can change the world,
One heart at a time,
But first of all,
I’ll change mine, I’ll change mine.
I was blinded by sin,
I was losing all ground,
It was an up hill battle,
And my defenses fell down,
I was all alone,
Not a soul in sight,
Then you came in,
And fought my fight again.
Lord, you show me,
One step at a time,
That by your strength alone,
And not by mine,
I can change the world,
One heart at a time,
But first of all,
I’ll change mine, I’ll change mine.
Lord, change me!
Into something more,
Then a mixed up soul,
In this crazy world,
Lord, shape me!
Into something more,
Then a piece of clay,
Lying on the floor.
Because you show me,
That when I turn to you,
You’ll fight my battles,
And love me too.
Lord, you change me,
One step at a time,
And by your strength alone,
And not by mine,
I will change the world,
One heart at a time,
But first of all,
I need to change mine,
I will change mine.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Imaginary Friends
Why do children have imaginary friends? It kind of makes
sense. I mean, with real friends you have to put up with flaws, pet peeves,
allergies, and you have to share your toys with them. So what I find very odd
is that all imaginary friends I've ever had the pleasure of meeting have, in
some way or another, had flaws. An imaginary could possibly be "the
perfect" friend. You create them so you could make them act anyway they
wanted but...
Once a week I babysit a sweet little two and a half year old, toe head, bouncy girl I love very much. I call her Lil M. One night while I was babysitting I suddenly found out Lil M had an imaginary friend she called "Doggy". He was a grey dog that was either the size of a quarter (because she carried him around in one little cupped hand) or he was the size of a Jack Russell Terrier cause when she petted his head it was at the level of her little 2 year-old waist.
After meeting Doggy, telling Doggy to go down the stairs a dozen times, and almost stepping on Doggy I don't know how many times, Lil M told me Doggy needed to go potty outside. She all three of us got on our coats and went outside, and while outside Doggy kept running off. First Doggy would run and hide under my car and we'd try to catch him. Then doggy would run to the front porch and we'd have to chase him. Then Doggy jumped a seven foot fence in the garden but just couldn't seem to jump out so *da da da duh!* super Abby had to go and save Doggy. And after reach time we would catch Doggy Lil M would tell him he was a bad dog and Doggy would be sorry and maybe whimper a bit and Emily would then pat him or hug him and tell him he was a good doggy again, and wouldn't you know it, he'd run off and they'd repeat the whole thing again. After Lil M went to bed I started wondering about Doggy. Why didn't Doggy act like a perfect dog? And why would Lil M keep forgiving Doggy if she knew he was just going to run off again.
Doggy is very real to her so, through what I've seen, she tries to make doggy as life-like as possible. So can a two year old already understand that nothing and no one (not even Doggy) is perfect? Does Lil M know (perhaps only subconsciously) that there is no such thing as perfection? And how can a child (no matter what age) that has never been to church or heard a Bible story take the concepts of unfailing love, repentance, and unconditional forgiveness and apply it to her imaginary friend? Maybe I'll never understand exactly how a child thinks but it sure amazes me how much I always learn from them.
Once a week I babysit a sweet little two and a half year old, toe head, bouncy girl I love very much. I call her Lil M. One night while I was babysitting I suddenly found out Lil M had an imaginary friend she called "Doggy". He was a grey dog that was either the size of a quarter (because she carried him around in one little cupped hand) or he was the size of a Jack Russell Terrier cause when she petted his head it was at the level of her little 2 year-old waist.
After meeting Doggy, telling Doggy to go down the stairs a dozen times, and almost stepping on Doggy I don't know how many times, Lil M told me Doggy needed to go potty outside. She all three of us got on our coats and went outside, and while outside Doggy kept running off. First Doggy would run and hide under my car and we'd try to catch him. Then doggy would run to the front porch and we'd have to chase him. Then Doggy jumped a seven foot fence in the garden but just couldn't seem to jump out so *da da da duh!* super Abby had to go and save Doggy. And after reach time we would catch Doggy Lil M would tell him he was a bad dog and Doggy would be sorry and maybe whimper a bit and Emily would then pat him or hug him and tell him he was a good doggy again, and wouldn't you know it, he'd run off and they'd repeat the whole thing again. After Lil M went to bed I started wondering about Doggy. Why didn't Doggy act like a perfect dog? And why would Lil M keep forgiving Doggy if she knew he was just going to run off again.
Doggy is very real to her so, through what I've seen, she tries to make doggy as life-like as possible. So can a two year old already understand that nothing and no one (not even Doggy) is perfect? Does Lil M know (perhaps only subconsciously) that there is no such thing as perfection? And how can a child (no matter what age) that has never been to church or heard a Bible story take the concepts of unfailing love, repentance, and unconditional forgiveness and apply it to her imaginary friend? Maybe I'll never understand exactly how a child thinks but it sure amazes me how much I always learn from them.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
The Two Mirrors
I stood back looking at two mirrors. One mirror on my left and one mirror on my right. In the mirrors I saw my reflections but each mirror held a different reflection. The mirror on the left was tall and wide with an elegant gold frame that had beautiful faces and beautiful things carved into it. At the top of the frame the words "The Worlds View" was engraved in big beautiful scroll work. The mirror on my right was just the normal full length mirror size. With a plan black frame and on a piece of scrap paper taped to the top. The words "Gods View" was written in plain block letters on that scrap paper.
I turned to the gold framed mirror and looked at myself. I
gasped! Suddenly all my imperfections were gone! I was tall with long legs and
long golden blonde hair. My face was smooth and flawless and I was wearing the
nicest clothes! I turned 90 degrees to the left and grinned, and then I turned
right and smiled, then turned around and looked over my shoulder at this lovely
reflection and giggled. I turned back around stepped closer and looked into my
eyes. They were the most beautiful light blue instead of the ugly grey they
usually were. My teeth were straight and pearly white instead of the braces I
had sported for six months. I loved this! I looked like a movie star or a
model! I stood twisting and turning and grazing at myself for minutes or maybe
hours until I noticed the buttons on the mirrors frame. Two buttons, side by
side, one was lit up and it said "Outer" and the unlit one next to it
said "Inner". Just for the heck of it I pushed the button that said
"Inner" and stood back to see if anything about the mirror changed.
Well, the mirror didn’t change but my reflection sure did. Instead of the
beautiful, slender, model that I had come to see myself as I saw a horrible
little mangled creature with huge black eye and teeth like needles. It was
hunched forward and almost hairless. With boney, grabbing hands and skin as
pale as a ghosts. But the scariest thing was the way it... I looked at me...
myself. In one look I saw the greed, the anger, the self-pity, the hatred, and
the lust. It... I wanted everything and was going to stop at nothing to get it
because it... I thought I deserved it.
I covered my eyes and pushed against the edge of the frame
until I found the buttons. I pushed the top one that said "Outer" and
looked over into my reflection and I let out a sigh of relief cause there was
the beautiful me again. I stepped back and scanned myself in the mirrors
reflection to see if any traces of that horrible little monster still remained.
I didn’t see anything abnormal but the memory of the beast seemed to ruin the
appearance of the perfect me. It almost seemed too sweet now. so sweet I felt
like gagging.
So I turned to the simple, smaller, and less attractive
mirror to my right. I stood so I could just fix the full view of my body into
the frame and sized the reflection up. It was... me. I was disappointed. It was
me. Dirty blonde hair, dull grey eyes, paint-spattering of freckles, short,
wide and unattractive me. But the longer I stared the more satisfied I became
with my image. I wasn't going to win Miss America, but those freckles were mine
and for once I didn’t mind. I stared for only a minute then got board and saw
the same two buttons on this mirrors frame as I saw on the last. I reached out
then hesitated... what if that same terrible thing was going to show up if I
pushed the button that read "Inner"? I took a deep breath and held it
as I closed my eyes and pushed that button. I waited a second then opened one
eye and looked at the reflection of me. Then I let out my breath quickly and
jumped back. That wasn’t me in the mirror! Not at all! It was a man! But he
moved when I moved and waved when I waved. I was so confused but I stared at
this man that was my "inner" reflection. He was a little taller than
me with tanned skin, black hair, black beard, and deep brown eyes. The kind you
could get lost in. I stepped closer and so did he. I looked at his clothes. He
wore a plain white, well-fitting T-shirt with well-fitting, dark wash jeans.
His shoes were Adidas running shoes and he had a small wooden cross necklace
hanging around his neck. I reached up to touch the mirrors surface with my hand
and the reflection did the same and I saw it. It was red and raw and horrible.
A puncture wound was in the palm of his hand. It was the size of a quarter and
the rest of his palm was still smeared with blood and swollen. It made my hand
hurt looking at it but I kept on looking. Then I looked into the eyes of this
man and saw the things I longed for most but never found. Kindness, peace, joy,
hope, understanding, compassion, grace, acceptance and salvation. But above all
I saw love... unending, passionate, powerful, enduring, crazy love for me. I
smiled and I felt myself start to cry. I knew who this man was. This man was
Jesus and He was inside of me because years ago I had asked Him to be there
and, even though I had forgotten Him, He was still there. And because He was inside
me it suddenly made the outside of me seem a whole lot prettier.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Outlining Abby
Who am I? I know many people have
wondered this over the course of their lives, but I know that for myself I have
struggled with this question in my past seventeen years of life. To know
yourself you must understand yourself. And to understand yourself you have to
know three important things: who you were, who you are, and who you plan to be.
Though only seventeen years old I
am aware that I haven’t accumulated a whole lot of history of myself so far but
I’ve made enough mistakes to learn from. From my beginning as the oldest
daughter of Ed and Susanne I have been in good hands. I have a loving
mother and father, two younger sisters, and many wonderful pets. My mother
tells me I was the most outgoing child she knew. I would talk to strangers,
make new friends on the play ground, and tell anyone who would listen about my
newest adventures. My outgoing and talkative personality has extremely aided me
in my life so far, helping me make new friends out of strangers when I was in a
new place or situation and feeling lonely and forgotten. There’s a saying, “A
stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet.” And I believe that. As I
entered my pre-teen years I had made two lifelong friends that I love and
cherish to this day, I plan on naming any children I may have after them. But a
few of us didn’t start out as friends. In fact, at the beginning of our
relationship my best friend Tyler and I were “mortal enemies”. We soon got through this phase and it’s fun
for us to remember and remind each other of the “old days” when we would call
each other names and fight about nothing at all. But as I look back on myself
as a pre-teen I see myself being a little bit of a bully. I would start arguments with boys my age or
older than me to prove I was as tough as them. I would do anything I could to
impress upon my peers that I was as tough or tougher than they were and I see
now that I never needed to prove myself.
That ties into where I am now. I’m
older and try to take life one day at a time and learn from my past and my
parents. I stopped wear dresses. I can now spell tomorrow and sympathy. I still
love to talk to people. I control my temper better but one of the few things
that haven’t changed through the years is that, deep down, I still struggle
with the urge to have to prove myself. Of course, I don’t do it by picking
fights or arm wrestling like I did in middle school. Instead I feel the need to
accomplish something hard to establish my worth. I don’t have to be “the best”
but I need to feel needed, wanted, and useful. This trait can be extremely
helpful or extremely harmful. For example, in the spring, summer, and fall I
work on a produce farm in Underhill. When I first started working there I knew
the owners as family friends but still needed to prove to them (and possibly
myself) that I could handle the physical requirements of working on a farm. I
worked hard! From weeding the strawberries to stacking hay bales on a moving
wagon I worked that fastest I could while still doing the job the best. At the
end of that year I got a raise, a yearend bonus, and, most importantly, a place
in the farm family. Now I also said it could be harmful and here’s an example
of that. Between the months of November and April I have one passion and one
obsession… snowboarding. To those of you who don’t ski or snowboard you don’t
know what you’re missing. I live, breathe, and dream of snow-covered trails, black
diamonds, and terrain parks. One of the parts I look forward to when I go for a
day on the mountains is sitting on the chair lift with a friend and watching
the people skiing below me. We will cheer on skiers looking down an icy slope,
give a supportive yell when someone lands an impressive jump, cringe when
someone takes a tumble, and sometimes giggle when someone loses a ski or plows
into a fellow skier. When it’s you on the slopes you know that there’s always
someone watching you from above. So as a girl snowboarder I feel the need prove
I am just as good as those snowboarding guys that speed by me and do tricks.
Can you guess what I do? I go faster, higher and more recklessly. Yes, I have
made a few judgment errors on the slopes. I have broken a bone or two, had a
bloody nose, and always come home with a few more sores and bruises then I started
the day with. Has this need to prove myself made me a better athlete? Yes. Has
it once or twice almost cost me my life do to hypothermia or a concussion? Yes.
But I think what we want is worth the risk of life and limb.
In the future I plan to join the
National Guard and serve my country. That’s what I want. I’ve been told I could
be in danger if I get deployed but if I’m doing what I want, serving my country,
and protecting the people I love isn’t that worth the risk too? I want to be a
soldier. I want to be respected. I want to prove to everyone that I can be and
I will be the best I can. I’ve had people tell me the National Guard will be
good for me because I need to grow up. I’ve had a person I love tell me I’m not
mature enough to do anything like that. But instead of defending myself and
starting a fight, I tell them to go on, to tell me they think I’ll fail.
Because all that does is fuel my fire to prove them wrong, and to prove to ever
other teenager like me that struggles with self-worth that you can be anything
you want if you have to the fire and the passion to prove even yourself wrong.
Creative Ramblings:
We walked out into the freezing night air together. The brilliant multitudes of stars were out and so was the waxing moon. Everything I saw was bathed in an eerie and ghostly glow. I walked down the wooden ramp next to him and I was painful aware of the jingle my long silver earrings made as I walked. Besides the occasional and distance sound of a car murmuring down the road and my earrings tinkling, it was silent. We turned at the bottom off the rant and started walking slowly... Very slowly down the cement walkway. We both knew, in the back of our minds, what was coming but we both wished we didn't know. The path forked and he was planning on going right down a lighted sidewalk and I was going left down a dark and foreboding alley. We stopped and turned to looked at each other. Half of his face was glowing from the heavenly moonlight but the other side was in the deep shadow. Like his heart. The part you could see was familiar and safe but the part you couldn't see was a mystery. Maybe beautiful maybe frightening maybe both but hidden all the same.
"well, goodbye." I said. But my voice sounded hollow and suppressed. And after I said the words it was so silent and still that I wondered if I had even said them at all. He looked past me and saw a man in the eternally deep darkness under a few grandfather trees that I had to walk past when i turned down my chosen path. When I turned all I saw was the orange glow of his cigarette and the lower half of his face. "I'll walk you to your car." he said quietly and we both turned left and walked towards the lighted safety of the parking lot. But to get there we had to walk into the darkness and right past danger.
We walked towards the man with the cigarette and as we inched closer we saw there were actually two men. The other was completely shrouded in darkness and could have been a demon. I thought for a moment they could hear my heart beating wildly. I could hear it. The sound was resounding in my ears. I wanted so desperately to hold his hand because I was scared but I resisted because it wasn't my right to hold his hand. But even though I didn't mean to, I reached out with my hand when we walked past the two dark figures and saw the cigarette lit sneer from the man in the darkness. I held onto his sleeve and held my breath as we passed. I turned my eyes down and walked by quickly. Heart pounding and palms sweaty I stayed as close to my protector as I could without it being obvious I was terrified. When we passed safely by I let go of his sleeve and when i pulled my hand away my fingers brushed against his. They were cold but soft and familiar. I had to make myself pull my hand back to my side. I glanced over at him quickly and he was straight faced and not looking at me. I looked back ahead of myself quickly. We walked on in silence... Bitter and cold silence and not because of the chilly air.
Before I wanted to we reached my car. We were finally in the light. Street lights, through they were, it was safe. Funny how light makes you feel safe and darkness scares you. Light symbolizes goodness and darkness evil... Why is that?
The End
We walked out into the freezing night air together. The brilliant multitudes of stars were out and so was the waxing moon. Everything I saw was bathed in an eerie and ghostly glow. I walked down the wooden ramp next to him and I was painful aware of the jingle my long silver earrings made as I walked. Besides the occasional and distance sound of a car murmuring down the road and my earrings tinkling, it was silent. We turned at the bottom off the rant and started walking slowly... Very slowly down the cement walkway. We both knew, in the back of our minds, what was coming but we both wished we didn't know. The path forked and he was planning on going right down a lighted sidewalk and I was going left down a dark and foreboding alley. We stopped and turned to looked at each other. Half of his face was glowing from the heavenly moonlight but the other side was in the deep shadow. Like his heart. The part you could see was familiar and safe but the part you couldn't see was a mystery. Maybe beautiful maybe frightening maybe both but hidden all the same.
"well, goodbye." I said. But my voice sounded hollow and suppressed. And after I said the words it was so silent and still that I wondered if I had even said them at all. He looked past me and saw a man in the eternally deep darkness under a few grandfather trees that I had to walk past when i turned down my chosen path. When I turned all I saw was the orange glow of his cigarette and the lower half of his face. "I'll walk you to your car." he said quietly and we both turned left and walked towards the lighted safety of the parking lot. But to get there we had to walk into the darkness and right past danger.
We walked towards the man with the cigarette and as we inched closer we saw there were actually two men. The other was completely shrouded in darkness and could have been a demon. I thought for a moment they could hear my heart beating wildly. I could hear it. The sound was resounding in my ears. I wanted so desperately to hold his hand because I was scared but I resisted because it wasn't my right to hold his hand. But even though I didn't mean to, I reached out with my hand when we walked past the two dark figures and saw the cigarette lit sneer from the man in the darkness. I held onto his sleeve and held my breath as we passed. I turned my eyes down and walked by quickly. Heart pounding and palms sweaty I stayed as close to my protector as I could without it being obvious I was terrified. When we passed safely by I let go of his sleeve and when i pulled my hand away my fingers brushed against his. They were cold but soft and familiar. I had to make myself pull my hand back to my side. I glanced over at him quickly and he was straight faced and not looking at me. I looked back ahead of myself quickly. We walked on in silence... Bitter and cold silence and not because of the chilly air.
Before I wanted to we reached my car. We were finally in the light. Street lights, through they were, it was safe. Funny how light makes you feel safe and darkness scares you. Light symbolizes goodness and darkness evil... Why is that?
The End
OK
You don’t look too happy,
Not even a smile on your face,
You even gave up pretending,
That you were just “ok”.
Why do you have to go through,
What I went through too,
God, I wish I could help her,
But I’m not sure what to do.
So I’ll watch and I’ll pray,
So I’ll watch and I’ll pray,
And I’ll watch some more,
And I’ll do my best,
To remind you,
That you’re blessed,
You are loved,
And no matter what you say,
I’m convinced,
That you will be ok.
No matter what I have to do,
No matter what I have to do,
I will always watch over you,
I may not be an angel,
But I’ll do my best to show you what to do.
So I’ll watch and I’ll pray,
So I’ll watch and I’ll pray,
And I’ll watch some more,
And I’ll do my best,
To remind you,
That you’re blessed,
You are loved
And no matter what you say,
I’m convinced,
That you will be ok.
So just slow down,
So just slow down,
Look at your soul,
All this world is,
Is a bottomless hole.
And to your surprise,
You might see,
That the ones that love you,
Are Jesus and me.
Cause I’ve watched and I’ve prayed,
Cause I’ve watched and I’ve prayed,
And I’ve watched some more,
And I’ve done all I can,
To remind you,
That Jesus loves,
And He cares,
So no matter what you say,
I’m convinced,
That you will be ok.
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